I will die if light touches me.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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