I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
