Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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