so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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