if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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