Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
