Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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