if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
