so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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