Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
