so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
