u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
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