the condom got lost in my hair
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
