im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
