Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
