I wish my penis had an off switch
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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