fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
