are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
