Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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