STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
