Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
