I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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