please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
