You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
