It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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