I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
