I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
