Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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