i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
