Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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