There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize