some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
