Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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