I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Vodka?
Forever.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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