There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize