My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
