she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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