Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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