I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he shaved USA in his pubs
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
