you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
