Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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