wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
