matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize