I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
