that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
