I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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