just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
