Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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