Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
