you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
