I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
