i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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