i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
