the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
