i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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