He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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