I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
