On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
