Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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