whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
She is in my trunk
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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