Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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