this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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