the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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