Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
