guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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