just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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