I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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