I love black thongs
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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