he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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