I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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