lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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