At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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