she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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