literally had 100 drinks last night.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
