I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
