I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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