New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
