the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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