remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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